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How To Stop Trying To Control Everything

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How To Stop Trying To Control EverythingI grew up with a mom who tried to control everything.  So of course I learned to be a control freak myself and spent most of my life trying to control everything and everyone until I learned how to surrender and just let go.

By trying to control things, you will create resistance and start to repel what you really want to happen, creating the opposite outcome.  To stop trying to control everything you must set the intention of what you want, make choices that move you in the direction of it, and trust that it will happen.

Being controlling is super stressful.  You feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, like you’re responsible for everything.  When you try to control things, your body is under stress and in survival mode which causes chemical reactions in the body leading to disease. 

I’m going to share with you the ways that I’ve used to successfully stop trying to control everything in my life so you can use them to live a healthy stress-free life and have everything you want.

How To Stop Being A Control Freak

Trying to control everything actually stops you from getting all the things you want in life.

What happens when you try to control someone? They rebel. If you try to control your kids, they do things behind your back.

My poor mom learned this the hard way.  I was a pretty good kid, but when she tried to control me as a teenager, I rebelled big time.  I can assure you she was getting the exact opposite of what she wanted to happen.

She didn’t like my choice of boyfriend so she told me I couldn’t see him anymore.  You can imagine that didn’t go so well.  To be honest, he wasn’t a great guy and the relationship would have fizzled, but instead I dated him for two years because she tried to control the situation.

Let’s talk about how you can stop trying to control things so you can avoid these unwanted situations and instead get everything you desire.

1.  Set Your Intention For The Outcome You Want

What is it that you really want?  You have to get clear on this, but avoid feeling needy about it.

I suggest writing down what you want, but you can also visualize it in your mind.  Or do both!

Try to give as much detail as possible and get into the feelings of what it would feel like to have it happen.  This is the most important part.  The feelings are the secret to getting everything you want.

Now that I’ve told you the feelings are the secret, can you see why trying to control everything and the feeling you have when you do that would be repelling it from you?

2.  Make Choices That Move You Toward What You Want

If you feel like you’re always trying to control things, you’ve most likely experienced some situation in the past that made you feel out of control of what was happening.  This could have been something really traumatic or the tiniest little thing that imprinted in your mind.

The feeling of being out of control made you then start to try to control every little thing.  But as you do this you’re pushing those things that you want away and drawing in more of what you don’t want which causes you stress and continues on as an endless cycle of stress, trying to control and getting the exact opposite of what you desire.

It’s time to break the cycle.

The reality that you want to experience already exists. All you have to do is get in tune with it. Knowing this shows that we don’t have to do so much work to create it because it’s already in existence.

When situations arise, think about what choice you can make that will get you in tune with the experience that you want to have.

Just remember you don’t want to push against anything and start that struggle of trying to control the outcome.  You’re just making choices and taking actions that will line you up with it.

Move toward what you DO want rather than pushing against what you DON’T want.

3.  Trust That What You Want Will Happen

For many of us trusting is difficult.  We don’t trust ourselves or other people, let alone trusting the universe to deliver what we want.

Controlling things gives some people a sense of security.

You have to surrender.  You’ve already set your intention and you’re making choices to line you up with what you want.  Now it’s time to just let it go and know that it’s coming to you.

It may not come in the way you expect.  It will be even better!

For example, if you ever really wanted your ex back or wanted a specific person to ask you out and you were trying everything to make it happen. I bet as soon as you surrendered and let it go, they called you. I can’t tell you how many times this happened to me when I was dating.

Accept the situation right now.  By just accepting it for what it is, you will begin to feel better and attract better things.

Focus on what you already have instead of what you think you want or need.

When you are constantly thinking about what you don’t have, you’re projecting that fear and attracting it right to yourself.

Feeling gratitude for what you do have will start to attract more of what you want to you.

The universe has more power than any single person…you, me or anyone.  Trust that it hears what you want and will deliver it in perfect timing and in the most amazing way that you could never even imagine.

An Example Of How I Stopped Trying To Control Everything

We were trying to sell our house a few months back.  I work from home and have two dogs.  So I needed to leave the house with my dogs every time the house was shown.  I was doing everything I could think of to try to get the house to sell.  I felt like we needed a buyer right away so I didn’t have to keep going through this disruption multiple times a day.

Every person that looked at the house was finding some small thing they didn’t like.  Then we finally found a buyer after about a month.  But it wasn’t the right buyer.  Their financing fell through at the very last minute after two and a half months!

So our house went back on the market.  This time I decided to trust the universe that the right buyer was going to come.  I was relaxed and okay with however it played out.  How did I get relaxed about it?  I just made up my mind that I was not going to stress.  It would all work out perfectly.

I set my intention of what I wanted and let it go.  I was grateful for the beautiful house that we had created (we did a lot of remodeling while we owned it) and knew that someone else would come along that would love it and appreciate it just as much.

We had a buyer within a few days and the whole process was super simple and fast.  Oh and did I mention we sold it for $5,000 more than the first buyers had offered?!

I had stopped pushing against what I didn’t want and trying to control the outcome and it came so easily and even better than I could have planned.

You can never plan things to be as amazing as the universe can deliver them.  That alone is the perfect reason to stop trying to control things.  Give things a chance to play out in the most awesome way instead of thinking your way is the only way.  There are millions of ways something could come to you if you allow it.

Positive Affirmations For Letting Go Of Control

Sometimes it might feel difficult to release control and in these times affirmations can help you get in a more relaxed place where you’ll be open to receiving and can surrender to the possibilities of what will be delivered to you in your life.

Feel free to change these affirmations for letting go of control to fit a specific situation if it feels better to you.

  • I release all expectations and welcome the amazing ways my desires will be delivered.
  • I trust that things will always work out for my highest good.
  • I live in abundance.
  • I give up the struggle and surrender.
  • Everything I desire will be delivered to me in perfect timing and the perfect way.
  • I release control and allow what I want to be pulled toward me.
  • I attract everything I want as long as I remain relaxed and open.
  • I surrender to the universe and allow it to give me abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
  • Trying to control everything causes stress in my body and no longer serves me.  I release the stress and allow relaxation to flow over me.
  • I am at peace with myself, others and all that has happened in my life.
  • I never have to figure things out.  The universe knows just what to do to get me to where I want to be.
  • Letting go of control gives me a sense of freedom.
  • I allow life to unfold in the most beautiful ways.
  • Things always work out the best for me when I relax


Cassie has struggled with weight, health and mindset issues her whole life. She has spent many years working with health practitioners and mindset coaches to bring you the best information possible.

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